The Gulches secrets
by MyLittlePoke
Summary: What happens when you mix two teenaged siblings, their owl, and the famous show red vs blue? Something you'll never forget. O'Reilly siblings Madeline(Maddie) and Taylor and their great horned owl Pascal are warped in to the red vs blue universe and explore many planets, face many dangers, and make many friends along the way. Takes place near the end of season 3. hope you like it
1. Chapter 1: Not in Milwaukee Anymore

I was living in a small neighborhood on the east side of Milwaukee. Oh, by the way the names Madeline. Normally everyone calls me Maddie for short. Anyway we're getting off track. I was carrying a bag of tostitos chips with Fritos jalapeno cheddar dip while the other bag had a package of kisses and Twizzlers. I got to my home where it was cooler inside then it was outside. I opened my front door to be immediately greeted by my Great horned Owl, Pascal. "Hey Pascal." I greeted. I petted him on the head and then went into my room where my brother was starting the movie, The hobbit the unexpected journey. I reached into the plastic bag and threw him the Twizzlers he asked for. I laid down at the foot of my bed so I can see the screen and Pascal followed suit. I'll admit it it would sometimes get a little boring around my neighborhood. Some days I'd wish for something exciting to happen. When the movie ended the computer went on the fritz. "Oh great. What's wrong with this thing now?" I said in a frustrated tone. I knelt on my knees to see if there was something wrong with the internet connection. I checked to see if there were any loose plugs but everything was in ship shape. "What is going on?" I asked myself. Sparks start to fly from the computer and I gave out a small shriek. It started to beep slowly for a few seconds soon it started to grow faster and louder then Pascal started to screech.

"Maddie what the hell did you do?!" Taylor yelled over the noise so I can hear him.

"Nothing. I checked to see if the plugs and wires were loose they were fine!" I replied. Then came a bright white flash from the screen. Me and Taylor shielded our eyes from the blinding light then everything went dark.

* * *

I gained consciousness to see I was in a large base like building with tech that's more advanced than what I have back home. I looked to my left to see my brother passed out with Pascal nudging him to wake up. I shook him awake and when he came too he was as shocked as I was. "Um Taylor." I said in a scared tone.

"Yeah sis." he replied.

"I have a feeling we're not in Milwaukee anymore." We looked at each other to see that we were wearing shades of blue armor. I had on blue topaz armor with white trims while Taylor had navy blue armor with silver trims. We helped each other off the ground and Pascal was perched on my shoulder then started to walk on the base grounds. As we were walking I could hear a mans voice in the distance. It was possible that he might lead us out of here where ever here is. As soon as we found the source of the voice we found that it was a circle of people with multicolored armor and a silver coated German Shepard. 4 soldiers had different shades of blue and one wore black armor while the other wore purple armor with hot pink accents. In excitement Pascal gave out a screech and they all turned their heads towards us.

"Who are you guys?" asked the one in cobalt armor. I recognized that voice. Church I believe. I know him from me and my brothers favorite web show; Red vs Blue. I had a deficient feeling that we're not in Milwaukee anymore.

'Oh shit come up with something Madeline!' I thought. I cleared my throat and said, "We're the rookies for blue team. Names Madeline, Madeline O'Reilly and this is my brother Taylor." Taylor gave a small wave to the group. Pascal then flew off my shoulder then perched himself on the purple one.

"And who's this?" He asked petting Pascal.

"That's Pascal our owl." I answered. Then his German Shepard dog came up to me and started to sniff me and lick my hand.

"That's my dog Luna. Don't worry about her she's harmless." he said. "Names Neon, Neon Lance."

"Nice to meet you Neon." I said politely.

"Yeah its not offend we get rookies." said Tucker. He walked up to me and my brother, held out his hand and said, "Names Tucker." I reached out and started to shake his hand and repeated the process with Taylor.

"Oh my god! New friends!" bounced a really hyper Caboose. I had to admit when Caboose greeted me like that it scared the crap out of me. I gave a small screech out of being startled like that.

"Sorry about that." Church apologized "Caboose can get a little hyped when it comes to meeting new members. By the way names Church. And the girl in black armor that's Tex."

Just then someone in white armor caught my eye. She came my way and said, "Hi. The names Chi."

"It's nice to meet you all." I glanced over to Tucker and noticed that he had an energy sword in his hand. "Cool sword by the way."

"Thanks kid." he replied.

"Hey, Tucker" Church called out "I don't think it's a good idea that you're keeping that thing."

"You're just pissed because you don't have one." Tucker snorted as he ran his finger across the blade

"No, you must have me confused with Tex." Church retorted "She's been staring at you non-stop since you found that thing."

Tex was staring at the weapon like Pascal would stare at a mouse in a cage and she responded with"...That's not true."

"You haven't taken your eyes off it."

"Yes I have."

"Then why haven't you looked at me the entire time I've been talkin'?"

"I'm looking at you right now."

"Nu-hoh you're not!"

_"I've already seen you._ Not too impressed."

"I would have tried to save Tex, too..." Caboose thought out loud

"Well I didn't Caboose," Church snapped "I didn't try to save me, I didn't try to save Tex, and I sure as hell didn't make millions of copies of myself trying to keep the bomb from goin' off!"

"Oh. _Because that was my next suggestion."_

"Leave me alone, Caboose." said a really annoyed Church "I didn't wanna mess with the timeline."

"Time, _line?_" Caboose scoffed "Time isn't made out of lines. It is made out of circles. That is why clocks are round."

"Man, that thing is really shiny." said Tex like she was in a trance.

"Yep." said Tucker unknowingly.

"Tucker man," Church then pull Tucker aside to get away from Tex "I still think- computer told me that thing is a very important relic, for some ancient culture. I wouldn't go swinging it around like that."

"Yeah?" replied Tucker "Well I think it's just a kickass piece of bling. And who're you gonna believe, me, or some super-smart stupid talking computer?"

"I don't see how that helps your theory." I said, siding with Church.

"What!" said Tucker with a socked expression. "Your putting up with this shit kid." Just then a guy in pink armor shows up.

"Hey what's going on?" he asked.

"Nothing." I answered.

"Awwww who's this?" he asked, referring to me "Did you guy's get a rookie?"

"Yeah, I guess." shrugged Tucker.

"And we got two." Church pointed out "And an owl."

"Cool." He said from excitement "I'm Donut."

"Madeline, Madeline O'Reilly this is my brother Taylor and my owl Pascal."

"What kind of owl is he?"

"He's a Great horned owl."

"He's a pretty owl."

"Thank you."

"Donut cut the shit," said Neon "What are you doing here?"

"You don't mind if I tell you guy's a story?" he responded.

They all responded with shrugs or 'sure'. Donut just rambled on for 15 minutes about his little tall tale and finished with, "And that's the story about how I saved Christmas."

"I didn't know the north pole was in San Francisco," Caboose gasped "_This changes everything_!"

"Yeah," Tucker mutter unconvinced "and I don't think Santa's suit was a leather bickers outfit."

"Or that his sled was a Cadillac." I added.

"And that his reindeer were 8 Doberman pinscher." Chi included.

"Hey wait a second," Church cried out "Why are we letting this pink guy distract us."

"I'm not distracting." Donut stammered.

"Yeah you are," Church retorted "while we're sitting here jabbering the reds are over there monkeying about!"

"Okay Church," Neon stopped "First off, monkeying about? Second, this guy is a bigger moron than Caboose. And third, monkeying about? Come on man."

"It's a real phrase." He scoffed.

"Bullshit. That's what you said about horse-doodling."

"Guys." I cried as I got between them to stop the fighting.

We then made our way to the outer wall as we did I can hear Donut quietly cheer, "Yes!" But I only wondered to myself 'how were we going to get home?'


	2. Chapter 2: Meeting Andy

"See" said Tex as she was pointing down to the reds "Their down there messing with the radio."

"So that's what their doing." said Church with a hand on his chin.

"Yeah" said Tex with her eyes narrowed "they must be plotting something."

"Or maybe their trying to listen to the radio" said Taylor.

"I know plotting when I see it kid. That's plotting" said Tex.

"Maybe their scheming." said Tucker.

"No scheming looks different, that's definitely plotting. Their gonna try something." said Tex.

"How is scheming and plotting different?" Neon asked out loud. I then pulled out my tablet and started to type in 'the difference between scheming and plotting'. I information everyone that plotting is a secret plan while scheming is an act of revenge.

"Why?" said Tucker "I already told them Red and Blue are the same, it's all a conspiracy."

"And I told _you_ that's not true." said Church "Vic just made it up to confuse us."

"That just means he's part of the conspiracy."

"But he's the one that _told you_ Red and Blue are the same."

"Exactly." replied Tucker, knowingly

"Wait are, are you talking about a conspiracy that Red and Blue are the same, or a conspiracy that Red and Blue are different?

"Exactly.

"You just keep saying exactly, do you have a theory or don't you?"

"Look" said Tex as she stood up "I don't care about Red **or** Blue. All I know, is that those guys are up to something down there."

"Maybe they're planning to use the radio to beam secret messages to the fillings in my teeth." said Tucker as he pointed to his mouth.

"Secret messages about _**what!?**_" yelled Church

"Exactly." Tucker repeated

"They are probably trying to tune in to the distress signal they heard on the radio." Caboose called out from the doorway behind us.

"What makes you say that?" asked Neon, as me and the others turned around.

"Oh, I know all the details." Caboose replied "They were in their car, _the Boss Hogg_, when Simmin, heard a distress signal, on, the radio, and Gruff was in the back seat. With a monkey."

"Hmm, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that some of that is wrong." Tucker muttered.

"How do you know all this Caboose?" Church asked

"Andy told me." Caboose answered.

"_Andy, _who's Andy?" Church tuned back to Tucker "Are you, are you Andy?"

"I'm not Andy, I'm Tucker." he replied.

"Not, I know, what's your first name?"

"Lavernius."

"Lavernius, well then who's this Andy g-" Church stopped and tuned to Tucker again "wait a second... are you black?"

"Me?"

"Yeah."

"Does it matter?"

"No. I'm just curious."

"Well if it doesn't matter then why are you curious?"

"I don't know," said Church sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his head "I guess that's just something I should have picked up on after all this time."

Tucker scowled at him folded his arms "You know what else you should have picked up on? **My fucking first name!**"

"This isn't about who knows who's first name," I stated "its about who told Caboose this."

"She's right," Neon agreed "We can't stand around arguing, even if its part of our charm." Neon then went up to Caboose and asked, "So, who is Andy?"

"Oh, sorry where are my manners." said Caboose "He's over here." Caboose took off with Tucker, Chi, Tex, and Taylor following after.

"Hey, Church." called Neon as he stopped "You coming."

"Na, go on." said Church "I'm gonna go talk to Gary."

"Oh, I'll come with." I said as I sped walked up to him.

Church gave a shrug and said, "Might as well."

A gave a whistle for Pascal and called out, "Pascal, come." Pascal gave a huge flap of his wings and landed on my shoulder. Along the way we heard a little bit of the conversation between Caboose and the others. Having no time to ask what's going on we pushed on. We eventually made it to the generator room to have a talk with 'Gary'.

"Gary, I need you to tell me some more about the Alien race that needs Tucker's sword." said Church.

"I DO NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM." Gary replied.

"You don't know anything about the Aliens that programmed you?" I asked going along with the act.

"I'M SORRY BUT WHO IS THIS?" asked Gary.

"Oh, yeah," said Church realizing we haven't met "Gary this is Maddie. Maddie this is Gary."

"HELLO."

"Hey."

"ANYWAY, ANSWERING YOUR QUESTION YOUNG LADY YOU ARE CORRECT. INSTEAD THEY FILLED ALL MY MEMORY BANKS WITH INFORMATION ABOUT THE GREAT DESTROYER AND HIS RACE."

"You mean Humans?" asked Church.

"THAT IS NOT WHAT THEY CALL YOU, BUT CORRECT."

"Why, what do they call us?"

"SHISNO."

"That's an insult, isn't it."

"PERHAPS THIS CAN BE BEST EXPLAINED IN THE FORM OF A KNOCK KNOCK JOKE."

Church gave an annoyed sigh.

"KNOCK KNOCK"

"Who's there."

"YOU ARE."

"You are who."

"YOU ARE A DIRTY DIRTY SHISNO. HA HA HA."

Alright, what does it mean?

WHAT IS THE MOST FOUL-SMELLING ANIMAL ON YOUR PLANET?

"Uhm, a skunk." Church replied then frowned "Wait so Shisno means skunk?"

"NOT EXACTLY. DOES A SKUNK DEFAECATE?"

"Yes..."

"AND DOES THE SKUNK'S DEFECATION IN TURN PRODUCE ITS OWN EXCREMENT?"

"Ew, no!"

THEN THERE IS NO EQUIVALENT FOR SHISNO IN YOUR LANGUAGE."

"Gross." I said disgusted.

"LIKE YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE."

I then decided to ask about the bomb. "Hey, does that bomb ever talk to you?"

"THE BOMB? NO, NEVER."

"Yeah, I didn't think so," Church chuckled.

"I wouldn't be so sure." I muttered.

"ANDY AND I ARE NOT ON SPEAKING TERMS RIGHT NOW."

"Yeah. There it is." I chuckled.

Church's face fell. "Wait, Andy?"

"CORRECT," Gary replied "HE IS KIND OF A JERK."

"I'm not the jerk," yelled a new irradiated voice (predicted to be Andy) "your the jerk, jerk!"

"THAT WAS VERY RUDE." said Gary with an insulted tone in his voice as me and Church whirled around at the new voice.

"Ah, shut up ya Shisno!" the voice retorted.

I gave out a sigh and responded with, "Touchy."


	3. Chapter 3: Entering Inner Peace

"You're trying to tell us that this bomb can talk." said Tucker as me and Church walked in the room.

"I'm not telling you that," replied Caboose "he's telling you that."

"Yeah, and I'm standing right here." Andy snapped "You can talk to me."

"If you could talk this whole time, then why didn't you just-" Tucker stopped and frowned "wait, why'm I talking to a bomb? I'm not doing this."

"What, am I not good enough to talk to?" Andy snapped in anger. "Who do you think you are, some kind of "too good to talk to a bomb" type?"

Church quickly cut in, "Maybe it's a good idea not to piss off the explosive device."

"I agree." Tex nodded

"I wasn't talking about you Tex."

Tex then scowled "Hey, why don't you suck my-"

"Tex, there's no need for that." Neon warned.

"Did Gary say anything about the bomb being able to talk?" asked Tucker.

"Uh, just that this whole place is going to be destroyed by us," Church answered. "and that Andy here is probably the thing that does it.

"Oh." Tucker gulped. "That's not good."

"I don't think so." Andy yelled ."Bunch of shisnos if ya ask me. And no one did ask me which I find insulting!"

"Alright, alright." I cried out in a disarming manner. "Calm down Andy, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down, I am calm!" He yelled. "Look at me! I'm calm!"

"Caboose, calm this thing down before it has a meltdown." Church ordered.

Caboose got down to his knees by the bomb and said, "Andy, everyone here is your friend. And no one wants to hurt you."

"Yeah right." Andy muttered.

"Come on Andy," He encouraged. "Think of a happy place. Now what makes you happy?"

"Being in the middle of a huge explosion!" Andy yelled.

"Less happy place Caboose," I warned as I backed away. "less happy place

"Ah u... think calming thoughts, uh... let's count backwards from ten! Ten, nine, eight-"

We then cut Caboose off by yelling, "No!"

"Maybe we should try something that doesn't involve numbers." I suggested.

Over the course of 2 hours they calmed him down by putting on some meditation music that Neon found. "You are in a cool river," said Caboose. "where noone disturbs you, or calls you names. Like "Bomby." Or, "The Exploding Jerk." There are sheep nearby, the kind that don't blow up, you are happy. But not overly happy... Regular happy."

"Breathe in through your nose." Tex takes a breath, and exhales through her mouth "and out through the mouth. Again, in through the nose." takes another breath." and out through the mouth.

"Uh, maybe I'll get some candles," Taylor suggested.

"Oh yeah I like that." Neon agreed "Would you like some candles, or some incense? How 'bout that?"

"HEY ANDY, KNOCK KNOCK." Gary called from the other room.

"Who's there." He grumbled.

"INNER PEACE AND SERENITY."

"I already heard that one." While that happened I was keeping an eye out for O'Malley. Fearing that he may strike at anymoment.


	4. Chapter 4 Keep Calm and Storm On

"So we cool here?" Asked Neon.

"I think we're finally calmed down." Tucker implied.

"Yes. We are all better now," Caboose added "We are not mad, and we are definitely not thinking about exploding at all any more."

"Caboose." I hissed under my breath.  
**  
**"Hey, are you talkin' about me?" asked Andy in suspicion.

"What? No, course not." replied Church. "We just wanna make sure that we're all happy, and that we're not upset in any way whatsoever."

"Don't say 'we'," Andy snapped. "You really mean me. I mean, you, which in this case, is me."

"No no no," said Church hasty. "uh, we're uh, talking about Tex."

"Excuse me?" Tex cried out.

"Hey, you wanna die in an explosion? Play along." Church whispered to Tex_. _He turned to Andy and said, "Yeah, um... I don't know if you've noticed but she's uh... she's kind of a bitch. Isn't that right Tex."

"Church..." She growled through her teeth.

"I don't know..." said Andy not buying it.

"Come on Tex." Neon growled.

"Pleeeease." I said with big eyes.

Tex rolled her eyes and said, " Yes. We're talking about me."

"Sounds like you're patronizing me." said Andy not at all convinced.

"No really, it's me, I'm a bitch." Tex insisted.

After he chuckled Church said, "Keep going."

"And I need to be calmed down all the time."

"Or what happens?"

"Or, else I get so mad," She glanced over to Church and said, "I kill people on my own team."

"I see you point." Church gulped.

"Tell him about the moodiness." suggested Caboose. "And the crankiness."

"Also mention that you like to punch people in the head while they sleep." Tucker added.

"That was you!?" cried Caboose. " I thought the Tooth Fairy was mad at me."

'Oh, poor Caboose.' I thought to myself.

"Well, she sounds like a real handful." said Andy in a snarky demeanor.

"Alright listen you little noob firecracker." growled Tex as she stomped Andy's way.

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!" said Church as he held Tex back. "See what I mean Andy? Volatile."

She looked back to Church and said, "I am so gonna remember this Church."

"You should sleep with your pillow on top. Of your head. Tonight." said Caboose.

"Yes, that's very funny," chuckled Church. "make all the threats you want. As long as everyone is calm, and peaceful, and there's nothing else to make us excited, I don't care." Just then on cue Explosions happen outside the base.

Along with the familiar laugh of O'Malley. "Attack, my robot minions." he said from outside.

"I could almost feel that coming, right as I finished the sentence." winced Church.

I looked out the window and saw the large quantity of robot soldiers and as another explosion engaged it smashed the window, causing me to fall backwards. As Chi came to help me up I said, "We're gonna need a bigger base."


End file.
